First of all thanks for all the feedback on the last entry. I guess I'm just retarded when it comes to these things. I guess I should be more open instead of burying these problems and pretending they'll go away by themselves. I'm also really horrible when it comes to 'moving on'. I always hit a latent phase afterwards that lingers around way too long. I suppose it's time for a little internal restructuring. This may take a while.


Anyway, I had a little barbeque for Cinco de Mayo. We did have other plans for the day but they were scrubbed. Since a bunch of us now had no plans for Friday and we weren't about to spend it sitting around at home, Amber, Jess, Justin, Pavi and I put our heads together and whipped up some quick plans for the day.

It was a mad scramble to prepare something decent. The idea was to have a barbeque and the day looked like a sunny window between streaks of rain. But working at something at the last minute is something I do rather well and is a very familiar situation. Probably too familiar...


We held it in the little courtyard-thingy in front of my apartment building.


Attaching the propane cylinders.


Marinated chicken and hamburger patties.


Prepping the grills.


Yeah, I picked up a second grill. Hella pimp. Guess which one is the new one.


And here comes...


Amber with a table on her head.






Ok, a whole bunch of girls showed up. What's up with that? It was supposed to be a Brokeback theme with cowboy hats and everything. ::sigh:: next time.






'Z-lines, baby' - (vague reference to an old man who liked playing with his nipples during his lecture)


Gotta have Coronas on Cinco de Mayo.


Yeah, it happened a while ago so I don't remember too many details about what happened. I remember drinking a lot that night. From what I could recall, I had three Yuengling beers, one corona, two beer Margaritas (not as ghetto as it sounds), one shot of sake and two "mango rum in Sprite"s. I also remember Pavi being totally gone that night. She had a lot to drink. Also, my PS2 went out. We tried to boot up Karaoke Revolution but I kept getting 'Disk Read Error's. Sonuvabitch! Piece of crap.

With that said and done, I'll go off on a tangeant concerning the PS2. For the record, I've never liked the Playstation 2. I never liked the original Playstation. The only reason why I bought them was for the games that were exclusively available for them. My PS2 has been dying a slow death for quite some time now. I don't remember the last time it was able to play DVD movies. Every time I pop a movie in, I get a 'Disk Read Error'. It must've started around the time I got the DVD remote for the Xbox which was over a year ago. So now it has its moods. Some days it'll play PS2 games without problem and some days it'll refuse to do anything at all. It's days like these that remind me how much of a piece of crap the PS2 is. So what if they have 100 million shipped. That's because everybody had to buy a PS2 twice or three times. Or maybe they counted their refurbished shipments so the numbers are super-inflated.

Well, then E3 comes along with all the press conferences touting all the new bells and whistles (and the smoke and mirrors). What I can't believe is Sony is pushing the system out at $600. The $500 system is not even worth it. On top of that, their showcased games at their press conference weren't even that impressive. But the two things that really get me are 1) Sony's cocky-ness and 2) Sony's originality... or lack thereof. I saw this coming a mile away, a long time ago. Does anybody remember the Pocketstation? It was a total shameless rip-off of Sega's VMUs for the Dreamcast. It was only a matter of time before it became blatantly obvious to everybody.

And then Kutaragi said that you can't compare it to the other systems and went on about dining in a fancy restaurant or something. He thinks the Playstation brand is hot shit in a champagne glass. But then I look at my terminal PS2 and I see cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup. (Thanks Monarch.) I'm surprised he didn't go so low as to calling the Wii the 'Walmart console' of the next generation. And people wonder why I'd just love to punch him.

The following Wednesday when I got home from lab I found my internet to be out. Little did I know at the time that it would be out until the next Saturday. How convenient. My internet was out while E3 was going on. I ended up scouring the webmotron for E3 news in my office after hours. Gotta be in the know.

Well after reading everything on what E3 had to show for, I decided to go out and buy an Xbox 360. I dragged Jess out with me to Target this past Thursday. I picked up a Premium package, a play & charge kit, Tomb Raider Legend, and Perfect Dark Zero. I've been on it pretty much nonstop since. I'm really impressed with what it has to offer. If you have cable internet, that's a definite bonus to owning an X360. Also, if you're running Windows XP SP2, install Media Connect and that's another definite bonus to owning it as I stream MP3s from the computer's HDD. I've spent hours watching and downloading trailers for future games off the Xbox LIVE marketplace. I've also downloaded several free game demoes. Capcom's Lost Planet is pretty fun. However, the controls feel a little stiff and that'll probably be worked out in the final. I've also been abusing the 'turning the system on/off via controller' feature. I'm becoming more of a lazy bastard than I already am.

I'm about halfway through Perfect Dark Zero and a level and a half into Tomb Raider Legend. They're both really fun. The reason why I'm crawling through PDZ is that I just have to beat each level twice. The first time is always so flawed and difficult. The second time is so much smoother. I've also noticed that enemy placement changes after you beat a level. This can really screw you up in stealth missions. Security cameras, sentry guards and patrol routes are totally changed on you. Keeps you on your toes.

Right now, classes are slowly winding down as we move into the summer. There'll be nothing but solid labwork from mid-June until mid-September. Things have been pretty busy and it's only going to get busier.

music: Fall Out Boy - Dance Dance
We're falling apart to half-time...

Are you wearing a pink shirt?
-Chan - 060522 - 1230EST



I believe the official color is 'spring tangerine' or something like that. Either way, it's just as ghey as pink.
-rich - 060522 - 1350EST



I went through two US PS1s and one JPN PS1 and I'm currently on PS2 #3. I don't think I'm gonna even bother with a PS3. What's the use of dining in a fancy restaurant if they shit in your mashed potatos every time. I'll stick with the cafeteria. At least I'll have the opportunity to flirt with lunch lady Doris, and maybe she'll hook it up with a jello cup minus the suspended-severed-fingertips.
-chris - 060522 - 1647EST
http://imake.nosense/at.php?q=all


I didn't really burn through a PS1 since I bought one late into it's lifespan. I had it modded though, heh. I bought my PS2 over Thanksgiving weekend 2001 and I've treated it fairly nice. It wasn't as bad as most others' experiences with it. My Xbox DVD drive went out and that was totally my fault. I dropped it on a concrete floor. Surprized it was only the DVD drive that got damaged. $25 later and it was good as new.

I'm too scared to buy a PS3. I don't even want to imagine spending $600 + tax + controllers + games only to have the system crap out on me in a year or so.
-rich - 060523 - 2301EST



Spring tangerine? That's even gheyer. The correct answer is: no, it's salmon.
-Chan - 060524 - 1051EST



Back in the old console wars, my casualties were 2 PS1's and 1 PS2. And why can't I see what I'm typing in this comment window???
-Avid - 060605 - 0241EST

avidshiau@hotmail.com

I've been pretty distracted lately. I feel like my thoughts have been disconnected from each other as my distractions tend to derail my train of thought at the most inconvenient times. I know what's been bothering me. I've been able to ignore it pretty well so far but it's been getting harder and harder to suppress it.

I'm talking about my stance on relationships. Before anybody jumps to any conclusions, what's really been bothering me is how I just stopped caring. Why is it starting to bug me now? Is it because I feel like I want a girlfriend again? Is it because I feel like I'm wasting the prime of my life? Is it because I want to just 'screw it', since I've learned to live alone like this and I don't need anybody screwing it up? Is it because I realize the value of independence and want to stay this way? Well, I can't really say. I guess it's a little more complicated than a single reason.

I know I don't usually type up posts about this emotional crap. So if you're here for the funny and amusing stuff, you might want to skip this one. This isn't going to be like that. I know I tend to keep things lighthearted and pretty superficial. I've convinced myself that nobody's really interested in what I feel since said emotions are likened to the rantings of insane, whiny teenagers. I also try to keep myself from posting things I know I would regret in the future and that usually includes stuff like this. (I'm a strong opponent to deleting posts once they're up.) I know some of you have noticed is that sometimes there's a break in the flow of my entries. I sometimes delete entire paragraphs if I feel it'll be a problem later.


Why have I decided to come out with this now? I suppose I can owe it to a lot of factors. For a large part, I have to admit that I was really inspired with what Star had to say this week about her lab experience in Japan thus far. What she had typed wasn't too much of a surprise to me since we talked about it a bit while I was staying at her place. The reason to why it was so moving to me is that I've always seen her as a person with a strong character. We both enjoyed the fast-paced memorization-intensive Microbiology undergraduate course at the University of Washington together. We pretty much made it out unscathed. Of course, this was after climbing over a large pile of theoretical bodies belonging to other unfortunate undergraduates to make it out on top. It was a little awkward for me when we talked that last night I was staying in Japan. It was the first time she admitted weakness to me. And to be fair, I did the same to her. She must have felt strangly uncomfortable about our conversation as well. All of this only made things a lot harder for me to leave her behind and return to reality the next day. After losing contact with her for a month, she posted her online revelation. Reading it reminded me of that last night in Tokyo. That last awkward night I spent talking about weakness to a friend I regard as having a strong character. I really wanted to talk to her since leaving Japan but now I understand things have been very inconvenient for her. That entry also made me see the strength she can express in admitting weakness. I should have seen it last month while I was talking to her but it was a little too strange for me to think about it for long. I really hope things start turning out better for her and soon.

Since de-winterizing the motorcycle, I been going around and riding little rural highways by myself. Whenever I go on these things alone, I tend to sort myself out. However, as soon as the obvious problems have been dealt with, I move into the things that persistently bother me with no easy solution in sight. Issues such as this one. Lately, I've been giving myself a lot of time to think about this. Unfortunately, I still don't understand or know what I want to do about it.

Another thing that's stirring this issue with me is that I have several cousins that are getting married, have recently gotten married, having children, and so on and so forth. It's natural to start thinking about yourself once the celebration ends leading me to wonder why I don't feel like doing anything about myself. I can't really repress the topic. Especially not with all these issues bombarding me.


I haven't been sleeping too well lately. I don't think I've had a good, uninterrupted night's sleep in about two weeks. I remember waking up to a dream that disturbed me for a while before I could go back to sleep. In the dream, I was still together with Shirley. I was at my parent's house and they had a lot of food. All my friends in the Seattle area were also around, hanging out, and having fun. As I sat there awake, I was wondering why I was dreaming about everything I miss since moving to New York. What did it mean? Was it a dream or a fond recollection? It really bothered me. I thought I was ready to move away. I thought I was prepared to move away. Why would I suddenly have this dream? I still don't have any answers. I don't think I ever will. Some things are best forgotten perhaps.


I have talked about my stance on relationships with friends before. Well, with friends who are close enough and would bother to ask me serious questions.

However, I've only told my story in pieces. Four pieces to four different friends. These friends are in different social circles so the pieces won't come together so easily. I'm not sure why I did this. Maybe I was scared the pieces will come together. And once they did, then what? I would be understood? Predictable in every way? I think it's time the pieces come together. Four different stories, each painting a part of the whole picture. I'm sure there are more fragments, but I'll have to dig a little deeper to find them.

Star's story:
I talked to Star about the present. This was what we talked about while I was still in Japan. I told her what my main problem is when I'm in a relationship. I tend to put a lot of energy into the things I do. I know a lot of friends have noticed this. Well, I'm no different when I'm in a relationship. I put a lot of energy into it. However, when I don't get the same energy out of it I'm left a little disappointed. I only figured this out after breaking up with Shirley and I'm sure it would've helped a lot if I knew about it beforehand. I also haven't done anything to remedy it. I don't consider myself to be ready for another relationship when I feel history will repeat itself before I can get fix this annoying flaw of mine.

Rosalie's story
I talked to Rosalie about the past. She's one of the few who knows something about my past history in relationships. It's a lesser known fact that in all but one of my relationships, I have been cheated on and subsequently dumped. At first, this left me very insecure about who I am. I didn't know what I did or didn't do that made the grand majority of my ex-girlfriends seek outside companionship. Was I missing something? Was I boring? Am I just that uninteresting? I eventually got over the feelings of insecurity and now I believe I have trust issues. I've seriously limited the number of people who I'll allow to get close since I expect to get hurt whenever that happens. I know I still don't have a good track record concerning all this, but at least it's not getting worse.

Chan's story
I talked to Chan about the potential future. The girl I'm currently infatuated over still lives in Seattle. She's smart, nice, funny, creative, honest, very direct, and really cute. I've known her for four years now but only became interested in her the last couple of months before I moved from Seattle. She likes the color blue, loves to draw, likes to tinker with machines, knows how to find success through hard work, and she's always curious about everything around her (but usually figures everything out on her own before asking). I respect her a lot and we met while taking Microbiology classes at UW. We would always compete over midterms and finals in several classes. After challenging each other at least nine times, I have only beaten her twice. She complained to me when she got a 3.6 in a class which was apparently 'very devastating' to her. I'm totally into her and she feels the same about me. I have never lied or embellished anything to Chan about anything concerning her.

Naturally, my stories wouldn't be complete without misfortune. She has the two strictest parents I have ever heard about. She's the youngest daughter, so she got stuck with the parents as the other siblings moved out. Her parents won't let stay out late. This was annoying when I visited Seattle over Christmas Break and only got to see her once for half an hour during her lunch break. She also can't go out on weekends and has to get permission in advance before she can plan something. She's six days older than me too. I feel so sorry whenever she talks about her parents. It took her a while to admit this to me, but she has a boyfriend. The more she talks about him, the more I'm convinced her parents arranged this union. She's unhappy about it, but she can't leave (and I'm sure her parents have something to do about it). He's a total asshole to her, they never see each other and she feels trapped. I don't really like talking on the phone to her for too long because I can tell that as the conversation progresses she feels like crying. It's obvious, but she won't admit it. So now we keep our conversations short and superficial.

Considering the circumstances, I don't think we'll ever end up together. I just want her to be happy. It doesn't have to be with me, as long as she's happy. When I told her that I was moving to NY and probably won't get to see her for a long time. She asked me if I wanted something from her. I told her that all I wanted was to see her smile.

Chan's also the only one who knows the other three people. I'm sure if he tried hard enough, he could've put all these pieces together himself.

Kristi's story
I told Kristi about my reluctance to do anything about all this. My philosophy about not worrying about this issue along with many other things in life. It's no secret that one of my friends and housemate at the time was diagnosed with cancer. She's managed to clear it successfully, so that's something I'm grateful for. When I heard the news, I was totally shocked. These things aren't supposed to happen to people you know, but still it did. It was very tough for her, but she's also very strong.

My take-home message after all this was not to worry about things. I could've had a bad day, but it also could have been so much worse. And my typical bad day is nothing compared to the millions of people out there who have things so much worse. I have no right to seriously complain about my petty annoyances. So somebody cut me off on the highway. Big deal. It wasn't a multiple car accident. I've learned to pay little attention to my common worries, stressors, and grievances, especially if it's something I can't do anything about at this point.

Well, I managed to throw my earlier issue I've talked about with Star into this category also. I didn't worry about fixing my flaws concerning relationships. I mentally filed it under 'unimportant' to prioritize other things currently in progress. I'm not sure when or if I want to get around to try to fix this mess I have. I also don't know if I'm just running away from it all.


Those are my four stories. The present, past, potential future and my reluctance to progress.


I suppose I'll write a bit about Shirley. I've kept everything between us offline for the most part. Since its all ancient history, it shouldn't matter so much. In retrospect and knowing what I know now, I'm sure our relationship collapsed due mostly to miscommunication. She could tell something was wrong with me but I could never produce an answer. Now I understand that it was just my baseless disappointment. I knew I couldn't blame her for it at all and that's why I could never produce an answer. I'm sure this was all very frustrating for her and I feel pretty bad about it. We also haven't talked in the longest time. In our separation, we just grew to two totally different people. It's almost like we've become strangers. It's depressing thinking about it.

We also broke up a lot earlier than most of my friends think we did. We both decided that it wasn't working over Thanksgiving Break 2004. I spent the next year at Justin's house. He could tell that I was bothered about something over the weekend but I never gave him an answer. Well, that was the reason why.


What should I do about this? I don't know. Do I feel any more worried about all this? Not really. However, I do feel relieved that I was able to get all this out. It was starting to catch up with me and maybe I can go back to a notmal sleeping pattern.

I'm just a little surprised that I've been able to ignore something like this which to some is the most important aspect of their lives. I know I've been keeping myself busy with my studies (which is a reason I hit the books hard) and my many hobbies (like photography, motorcycling, HTML, Videogames, Anime, cooking, hiking, puzzles, and whatever else I can't think of right now). Anything to distract me from the things I don't really want to think about should keep me from pouring over my stance on relationships. Since ignorance is bliss, I guess ignorance is my artificial sweetener.


(If the hits remain steady, I will reach 500,000 within three days since January 1^st. How do people find me?)

Edit: I got to 500,000 hits in less than 24 hours thanks to being linked at supersizedmeals.com. I told you I was getting fat.

music: Stabbing Westward - Shame
Once I swore I would die for you,
But I never meant like this...

You mean like Sweet and Low, cause that's gross. And according to this article:
http://www.womentowomen.com/nutritionandweightloss/splenda.asp
it also confuses your brain. Food for thought.
-Chan - 060513 - 1546EST

There's this one thing that always bothered me about Kingdom Hearts. It also shows up in Kingdom Hearts 2. It's whenever Sora's in Atlantica and being his mermaid-thingie form. Sora looks like a bottlenosed dolphin's body was grafted where his legs are supposed to be. It looks disturbing when you look and think about it. It's like a dolphin tried to swallow Sora, legs first, and then it's face fell off midway in the process. Don't believe me? Take a looksie. 1 2 3 4. Disturbing, no? Got it memorized?

Alright, that's out of the way.

Ok I remember making a bet with CarLo five years ago. The bet happened a couple of months after the events of 9/11. I had bet that movie studios would make a film of the events that happened on 9/11/01 in five years and he said eight years. Ya know, when the movie studios would think it's about time to profit off the tragedy. Oh, ho ho. It's five years later and lookie here, United 93 comes out of nowhere. So,... where's my money? I bet he doesn't even remember. I'll make sure to bring it up next time... and have a glass of OJ in hand.

I participated in the AHA Heart Walk last week. This reminded me of the time I did the ACS Relay for Life last year. Yeah, this is my annual charitable activity. The rain was even present to serve as a better reminder. Funny thing, Pavi signed us all up to do this and she ends up skipping out on us. We just have to thank her for making us walk around for three miles in the rain. It wasn't too bad. I brought my umbrella. The event was more crowded than I had expected. I first found Renee then I tried to phone ahead to the others. I eventually got a hold of Melissa who was with Amber, Jess and Brandon. Then we found Brandy and Meg later on. The Heart Walk was only three miles. Not too shabby. At least it wasn't ALL NIGHT LONG like the Relay for Life. That was hardcore.

I picked up Advent Children on Tuesday. It took me forever to find a copy. The first place I went to was Best Buy. They were sold out. The fact that they were showing the movie off in the HD TV section really wasn't helping at all. Next I went to Circuit City. Nope, sold out as well. They too had a copy playing in the HD TV section mocking me on my misfortunate adventure. About to give up, I ran into F.Y.E. and saw... a big gap where Advent Children was supposed to be. Crap. I asked the girl behind the counter if she had any copies left and she said that there should be a couple left and started digging behind the counter. Pessimistically, I didn't believe she'd ever find anything back there. But lo and behold, she produced a fresh, cellophane-wrapped copy of Advent Children. Sweetness. Unfortunately, buying it from there cost me $20, compared to $15 if Best Buy still had a copy left. (And it's still better than the $30 MSRP.)

Well, I had to get it on Tuesday since I told Jess that I'd have it by then and we'd nerd out to it that night. And nerd out we did. We watched the trailers. I noticed they nixed the scene where Kadaj uses magic to blow up Cloud's motorcycle as he's trying to run him over. Also on the fight scenes between Kadaj and Cloud, he was originally supposed to be using the classic Buster Sword instead of the uber-knife thingie he ended up getting in the final make. People wonder what the hell Cloud was doing between the end of FFVII and Advent Children. Apparently he went sword shopping. Well he already beat Sephiroth and saved the world with a standard sword but he was planning to go into the motorcycle delivery business and that's dangerous stuff. That's why he needed the super upgraded 6-in-one carve-o-matic. Sephiroth was nothing but he couldn't afford to have a package stolen en route. That'd come out of his paycheck. (If Aeris was alive, she'd kill him.)

We even watched "Reminiscence Of Final Fantasy VII" which is just key story points of some guy playing the Japanese version of FFVII. Kinda weak but good stuff. I was kinda sad that Elena only appears in two really quick scenes in the movie. I always thought of her as the n00b Turk with the most personality. Sad. Well, I already put my two cents about the movie earlier when I, uh... acquired it... somehow.

This weekend was all about Ayame. She was just about due for a valve adjustment. And since I was going to be working on her, might as well do some other quick maintenance tune-ups. I decided to change the spark plugs and synchronize the carburetors in addition to performing a valve adjustment.

On Friday, I kidnapped Melissa and went on a ride. Since I needed to take the gas tank off the bike to do the valve adjustment, the emptier it is, the easier it would be, n'est-ce pas? I was trying to go south on 80, west on 20, north on 174, then east on E Genesee St. Sounds simple, eh? We must've missed a turn and ended up in Tully. Since the sun was setting and it was getting cold surprisingly fast, we decided it would be best to make a beeline back towards Clark Tower. Her legs were frozen by the time we got back. Oops. Like I said, it was really surprising how cold things got as soon as the sun set. I dropper her off at Clark Tower and made my way back home.

On Saturday, I got up early to work on the bike. To help speed things along, I picked up the special Valve Adjustment Tool from Kawasaki. This stupid thing was $45. But then, once I started working on the valves, I could imagine how much harder it would be without it. It took me three hours to get done with the valve adjustment, carburetor synchronization and putting the bike back together. I used the default spec clearances set by the manual. (.10mm intake, .13mm exhaust)

Oh man, she feels like a new bike. I was having power and idling issues since de-winterizing Ayame. It felt like she was lacking power at the higher RPMs and she'd die while idling while cold occasionally. I believed it was just the five month old fuel the bike was burning. Well, after the valve adjustment and a fresh tank of gas, she was good as new. If I knew valve clearances had this much of an effect on performance, I would've done this a long time ago. She even runs a little quieter. Wow, it's just awesome. Try it, you'll love it.

I actually found that route I was looking for on Friday during my test ride. It wasn't that great. I'll have to go further out for some other suggested routes in the area. I also got a horrible sunburn working on Ayame for three hours in the sun. Since I was wearing latex gloves and a watch, you can imagine how my tan/sunburn looks like on my arms.

I'm not sure why, but this popped in my head today:

"Success isn't measured by how perfect you accomplish things, but rather it is measured by how well you recover from your mistakes."

I'm not sure if I made it up a long time ago or if I heard it from somewhere. Either way, I still like it.

music: Utada Hikaru - Hikari

I am currently 2 years, 10 months and 4 days into my valve adjustment procedure. Kudos for finishing.

One of these days I'll have to try that "finishing" thing on.. something. Hopefully it'll be on a degree. Or FFVII. I imagine either would be just as satisfying.
-chris - 060504 - 0138EST

whatsan@email

Or you can get a degree in FFVII. That' would be too great. How many majors do you have. Last time I checked, you had five or something.

Adjusting the valves was a pain with the motorcycle. Expecially since you have a little, cramped space to shove your hands into. Good thing she's only a two-cylinder DOHC. I don't think I have the patience for a car.
-rich - 060506 - 1413EST